CAMERA FRESH FOR SUMMER!!

Yesterday took the first swim of the year.

here comes some pictures, can proudly say i have swam in the swiss and french water.

the knowledge of wish

woke up really pissed off today.

Its one of those moments in life when you wished for something to come back but can nolonger put trust in it.
weekends are always the hardest of the days. Monday to Friday I am confident but when it comes to the weekend I am vulunerable and miss home.


working tomorrow in the kitchen and just found out that, and I so truly wanted to got church today, yet another sad thing, but ama go today and pray.

New music ALERT. 2010

Pictures during the weeks.

I promise.

I know that I havent been updating anything lately and this time I will be persistence in what I do.

from here now on ama be updating and posting something up nomatter how big or small, with or without a picture.



God bless

The Longing.

I have come along way and I have reached places that I have never thought that I would reach, still my head is so focus and my focus is on focus.
Sometimes it gets tough and hard and this warriorPrincess must take some time to put down her shield and spear to just come down to earth and gain strength and begin the fight.

Its been a few weeks since I left sweden and everything behind it and during these 7 weeks I have learnt so much and I just keep on growing and getting stronger, but being far away from home,friends and family is the biggest pain that I always have to deal with.

I come from a humble and reserved family and friends who truly have been here for me and still are, feels like I am missing out on the precious moments and my nephews and nieces are growing so fast and it does hurt hearing them talk to you and wish you could be there, but One just have to be strong and believe tomorrow will bring the light needed to light up in life.

Its never easy and some days end up in tears,but if each tear makes One stronger,then I will just be stronger.

school is fine, got th best chefs, who are my collegues and the best Chef teachers and everyday and everymorning feels like coming home. Lord I am Grateful.

I do truly miss home and wish that the days will go faster so I can go and see my friends and family and I miss Sweden too.

Mashed potatoes with fried beef and Okra

6portions:   cookin time : 45 mins.

700g potatoes

500g Mince Beef

200g Okra

1 large Onion

4dl Milk

10g Flour

50g Butter

2 dl water

cooking oil

salt

pepper

Preparation Method:

Mashed Potatoes

- peel the potatoes and cut into equally sized pieces and put in well salted boiling for 30 mins

-Drain the water

-Mash the potatoes,add 3dl hot milk and butter, salt and pepper

Fried Mince Beef

while the potatoes are boiling, finely chop the onions.

-Add it to the mince with salt and pepper

-shape the mixed mince into equally round balls and place in the fridge for 30 mins.

-shape the balls into equal squares and fry untill done.

 -remove the beef,add the 2dl water to the pan untill the bottom is clear of all rests.

- Add the flour and 1dl milk and let it simmer for 3-4 minutes.

Fried Okra

- Cut the Okra in 3/4, fry untill crispy brown. Season with salt and pepper.

Bon Apetite.!!!

life, food and love

Time is really flying by and there is so much to do, so many people to talk to, too many things to organise and then school, exams are coming up soon and so that means studying alot aswell.

I am just trying to be myself in every aspect of life and try to do the best that I can cause I know that it will never be easy either but this is what I want and have fought so hard to reach here and will continue fighting hard.

This is what we did last week and the reciepe is coming up soon!

school is good and learning new things each and every single day, tryna make the best of what God has blessed me with.

my co chefs..

Music..

page

08:00-20:00

Today wednesday is the first day that we are having a long ass class, but did my first assignment as a pastry Chef and it turned out well, with a Chocolate Genoise but later turned it to a Forest Cake.


The reciepe is on the reciepe page.

its been fun.. enjoy and yet remaining 4 hours.

Exhausted.

I am so tired.
I have been in switzerland for a week now and it feels like I have been here for months.

Its fun being with people who are motivated and have the same drive as you.
This is just the begining and I know that it wont be easy,but its the drive that keeps me moving.

Just giving in my hundred percent and I was too tired to capture a photo.

PARDON ME


GOODNIGHT

Miss L. E

its my third day in switzerland now and school is going on okay considering the circumstances,
I feel like I have been here for over a long time now and like I have already gotten used to everything, but one day is never the same.

I have come to realize my strong and weak sides of me which I am going to be working hard on.

I firstly need to be more Organised cause if I want to become successful I cant just be anyhow.

I need to learn how to be  punctual and proffesional.

sort out the papers correctly and go through them, dress appropiately, being bussiness like and I must say that I love it and I have just to remember to be myself.

Its not easy, I have to say cause I am changing my lifestyle after many years of adaption but heey I know its needed and its tome for a change.

uku chi.

Have you ever seen a black chicken before well if you didnt know that they exsisted you should defintely check this out.

proudly chinese

Finally

I am finally in switzerland....

When you reap

I should be up in a  few hours time and I should be getting home and I am so stressed and I have so many things on my mind and I wish that I could have had more time to settle my mind but all I know is that I have done my best and will continue doing my best.

I have learnt so much during this short amount of time, I have grown so much as a woman, human and person.
I have learnt to honour and respect my Lord Jesus Saviour and taking a step by step.

I have so much to learn and but I am headed in the right direction.

Misssing Göteborg

Not funnny when everythin stresses up like this.
I was supposed to be in Gothenburg today but forgot that it is Easter weekend and things aint working normal.


Now I will be headin home tomorrow and leaving on sunday afternooon.

Cant get over the fact that I havent been more organised and more aware of things. I swear on my life, this is the worst guilt feeling I have had in a long time and I NEED to change myself.


Göteborg... SAKNAR DIIG

bye stockholm

forgot that it was easter weekend and was lazy that i could bok my ticket the same day..
anyways  all thetrains were full and now ama bo on that lousy bus for hours.. cant complain,its all my fault,should have paid attention n time

Camerooon Party

african party yesterday was ok... just before we left, they started playing coupe decale and bobaraba..

some pics..

rain down on me

I need the Fathers blessings!

pics from the Xample Yama Diva pt 1

really cant say that these were the best just showing that we were on the shoot!!!

Ozzys Album Launch

Ozzy is launching his kobili album tonight

at barclays sports complex from 20:00 till late

50000zmk entrance fee.

CEASAR RITZ COLLEGES!!!!!

Switzerland here I come.....!!!!




Finally got everything ready....

THANK JESUS!!!!

Finale

Didnt go to the photoshoot today I was too tired after yesterday, after being in Sues shoes for a while I both respect and admire her for what she does out of passion.

I am loving the freedom of being facebook free alot, not that I am not on facebook but I just go in to update my status and that is if I do want to or just go and read my inboxes, not really bothering on what people are doing or should be doing. I feel like my privacy is being invaded and everyone just want know dirt about everyone and thats not the purpose of my page,so there will be a lot of changes which I will be doing soon.

People might say that I am runing away but all I know is that I am runing to myself.
 

SONG OF THE DAY

we are going for yet another photoshoot today and after yesterday, proper exhausted but its all good.
cant complain n wont either cause

Morning Glory

Today I feel like being home, reading and writting down the articles to come!
Want to find my inspiration in culinary dance and art again, want to take my mind off the superfacial things in life and do what makes me happy and glorious!

Some people feel good when they lie and pretend to be someone they are not, some people want to be put themselves higher than others to be seen, but I love being I self, and if being myself  isnt always appreciated by people so I make sure I take my time to be appreciated by Iself.


hopefully today will be a good day

Poem of the day

I find myself trying to find myself in the thoughts of millions and billions and time  which cant be seen.
I find myself figuring out that if I try and only be Iself will I continue to be seen as a failure or just a road to walk on ? people say that one should always learn but we all learn and yet again believe in hope,faith and kindness, well atleast I do.
when I look in my soul, it doesnt give me any emotions, when I talk to my mind it confuses me, when I hear my heart it is happy.
people would say this is the insanity of sanity, but I say it is just a confused mind.


Lillian Elidah

XyDiva!!!

photoshoot ended today and it was surprisingly better than what we had expected, but before had a long ass walk and was walking too long.

They say that One shouldnt complain and see the good.
Told myself now that complaining only brings negativity, no matter how tired I am now or will probally be in the coming future I will just to endure and do the best that I can.

I will upload some more pictures tomorrow from the shoot, it was extremely fun and we were filming aswell as part of the programme.

I am so tired and have so much on my mind and I just want to exclude myself and just dance to conteporary or ballet and do sports and cook, those always cool me.

Lord you are the highest of all and you always are there for your child.
I am praying and asking for you to come and protect and guide me.

In Jesus name

amen and Goodnight

Nostalgi

never gets old. 

Photoshoot!!

Today we are having a photoshoot for Xample Yama Diva later in the afternoons, cant wait for that. I will upload the pictures later.


I am so tired of facebook and all of these medias Bomboclat, everyone knows eachother and eachother knows everyone and I just dont like it like that, will be spending most of my time uploading my blog.

I am done reading my book and for sure it has definetly left some tramautic trails and again its one of those moments where One has to pick oneself up and do the best one can do.

Just a few weeks before I travel to Switzerland and I seriously am looking so forward towards it and I know I will be living in a village and maybe no fun at all and somedays I will long back home to Sweden and my family Zambia and being allergic to garlic and I will be a chef thats not the best combination but I will be so happy doing what I love and once again have the chance of being an artist.

All things are one and sometimes you are to separate yourself.

Hopefully the shoot gets more inspirational today!

God blesss

Song of the day

Another week!

Today is the 4th day that I am Stockholm and it has been fun being here and talking about lives issues and happenings.
Couldnt sleep tonight had a terrible heartburn or whatever they call it,felt like some demon just possesed me and it was horrible.

Three days before the 1st photoshoot and I should definetly be going on a photoshoot diet. Today is the start of the day. ama post a before and after picture!!

The Book that I am continously reading is messsing me up and its scary cause the truth hurts and thats exactly what I am feeling.

My morning song is

Even an Angel can end up crawling...

September Satellites





I know this song is a bit old and techno but I LOOOVE IT!! the chorous is a addictive.

my morning hook

You sow you will reap.

Another morning in Stockholm and I am loving it.
Ms Sue Chintu is asleep aslways and I just woke up.


Woke up thinking this morning and these are not pretty thoughts, how,why,when,what are the questions which are on my mind right now.

People go to long lengthes to cover up their imperfections so that they can be accepted without exceptions.
Speaking of a Change, I have to practise what I preach.

I am really hoping this weekend or next week during the week, I will get my tattoo cause believe or not I actually do like that pain and now I think I will cope with it better cause I have felt worse emotionallly.

Rest In Peace!

Augustine Lungu just passed away.

He was one of Zambias most talented man in the masmedia world.













he will be greatly missed.

wakeeey wakeey

Its so nice coming back to home... I feel soo good to finally see my sister Sue, just missing our other sister Chama.


Just got my gift from Nigeria and its a lovely and ed hardy shirt and thats goodas.
friday today and we dont know what will happened, here we just trying to make everything work as always.

Hoping I will also get a tattoo and all of those goodies which are needed.

its fine having someone to talk to and eveyrthing

Stockholm city

just packed my last posessions that I am carrying with me to stockholm and obviously I have forgotten something but hope it aint that important.

I love traveling but I am also a homegirl and love being home  and always get torn inbetween the two but this trip will be going home away from home. Gotta get used to this life cause I see myself doing a whole lot of this in the coming future.

Spoke to my DivaLady Mya and she just said her video is out now. Life Yama Diva.

Hopefully I have packed enough for the shoot and tomorrow supposed to be on Hone Fm.

My mp3 not workin so it will be reading the whole way and coming up with ways and ideas that are needed to be written down and guess thats a good thing.

Life Yama Diva is never easy but we keep it on the easy!


enjoy

Poem of the day!

You will come in the motherly and fatherly care of a parent
You will come in the shape of my mother inlaw.
You will come in the form of a child
you will come in the presence of the Lord.
You will come in the affectionate way of my husband
you will come in the unconditional way of a friend
you will come in the happy laughter of an inlaw
you will come in the achievment of selfsatisfaction.

You may come in whichever way you would please to come
but aslong as you will bring with you LOVE.



Goodnight

ON THE GO

Just bought my ticket to Stockholm, starting off 10 tomorrow morning!!

updated my status on facebook earlier and people got to upset,why I would be cursing cause I am a princess,but they forgot that I am a warriorPrincess!


I am kinda tired so going to nap now and see waagwaan in my books!!




goodafternoon

waagwaan

Wednesday and I am still in Gothenburg!!!!!

Woke up early today and continued reading my book, of Helen Fisher WHY HIM, WHY HER,

Its a great book and seems like the books I started reading they all have some kinda of connection to eachother..

I hope today just before 16:00 I will find a ticket and be able to come back home and pick up my bags and leave for stockholm.

Xample Yama Diva  photoshoot is next week and I have to carry alot of clothes.

Faceboooking or GosssipLooking aka Virusing?

Faceboooking or GosssipLooking aka Virusing?


 Today my sister Sue Chintu the one and Only baby!!!

Just wrote to me that she has 200 people who are requesting to be her friend.
I know and have heard a little something something but ama let you guys figure it out yourselves.

Wonder why they are adding her and who can be the meaning of the addition?

Nowadays when everything we live and do is documented everyone want to know your very every step and depends to how you want to be perseen cause  I know and alot of my personal friends, we do not let our private life become an artistery, but if people want it to be a show, our eyes are wide open to watch.

Back to the topic...!! 200 Friend requests?
what would you do?


You can also be among the 200 to  add her on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/sue.chintu

CREDIT CARD BUSINESS!!

Today was supposed to be in Stockholm so I changed and made it to be tomorrow and went in to buy my ticket only to forget that my VISA card is new and I dunno the pincode and pressed three times and it denied and we all know what that means.

finally got the code but then I had to show my ID and I had forgotten it at home, but tomorrow before I leave I have to sign on a few papers and send them before I travel.


I have to pack cause we will be doing photoshoots for Xample Yama Diva and alot has to be carried.

Today rent a book by Helen E Fisher who everyone should just read cause FYI: she is the pyschologist who helped developed Match.com sister company Chemistry.com

WHY HER, WHY HIM

Goodnight !!!!

Spring Lovers...!!

For all the lovers outta there!!!!

ETANA!!!!

one of my personal favorites... jamaican own  India Arie.

True Love  Mansions Riddim

ESCO THE SHOCKER!!

One of the artists on Mansions Riddim.

Blessings by Esco The Shocker

SUNNNY TUESDAY

Det är soligt ute idag och verkar som dagen kommer att vara varm.

I need to bok my ticket to Switzerland and Stockholm today and start packing.



Cant wait to travel again..


take care

Mwaaah!!

Diamonds are forever.

Since yesterday,Gotten to realize and appreciation of the importance of having friends.
I have never put myself in such a chaotic phase in my life as these past few months of my life,but
I have never seen the strength of the people who love me like these few months.

Yesterday after church went with Faridah and her boyfriend (Nils) to Faridahs parents and had such a lovely dinner and coversation and even picked up a new reciepe on  a nice tasty souce which I will name "limon paradise"

Today had a lovely evening with my oldest sister who is my rock!!

She inspires me.

friends are important cause once they love you for you, they stop being friends and become your family.


Goodnight and its been a lovely day.

The Will of Alpha Romeo.

Last week I spoke about hiphop still being alive and I brought up K.R.Y.T.I.C

whenever someone mentions the "Will" only one name comes to mind.
Alpha Romeo.

He is the future of Zambian HipHop.
Born and raised in Zambia he is strictly letting us know how much talent there is to explore and realize in the MotherlandZ when they say we cant make Rap music which touches in Zambia, you should just look at the will of Romeo .With an album that gives new meaning to Zambian Rap, no doubt that we will be hearing alot from him.

You just have to hear this song called "Will"

Loved it from the very first time I heard it.

Other songs include:  Bus Driver and my little spring fever sprinkle "always a time"
with the one and only Energy-son,BbbbbbbFlow
http://www.4shared.com/file/168194578/3861092e/alpha_ft_bflow-always_a_time.html


more info:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3175221&id=238648504145#!/pages/Alpha-Romeo/238648504145

INTERNATIONAL BEACH!!

heeeeeeeeya!
havent blogged in a few days, only human and get tired sometimes, but thats no excuse.
determination and discipline.. Lilly whaat.. come on!!

Today I need to bok my ticket to Switzerland for school and a ticket to travel to Stockholm tomorrow
and hopefully while I am there someone will invite me to London.

Need to go on a diet also.. summmer coming up!

Holla later!!

Boring Friday!!

 Friday and this is like the 4-5th friday being home!!!

I just want to go out club VIP style and hang around with my lovely ladies, but most of them
we are so focused on life and sometimes do not party as much.

After this bitch ass period ama make sure my clubbin and partying will be international.

Imagine will not be clubbin for 2/5 fucking years... wooooooooow!!! I sure hope God will put in some VIP
parties to attend to inbetween.


this day hasnt turned out like I thought it would, just too much!!!

K.R.Y.T.I.C!!! HIPHOP IS STILL ALIVE!!!

 There is just something about him, when you listen to his music you know its deep!


K.R.Y.T.I.C

  Born in Uganda and raised in Zambia, he is the perfect mixture of both worlds and so is his music.

Having met him in person, he is a quiet person and there is just something about him, I wouldnt say anti-social but One can question. He sure is no doubt a lovely person. Once you hear his music, you understand why they say HipHop is poetry.

With a rap that goes well with the African legend songs and the rythme of unbeatable beats, swagga of a college kid and talent of a hiphop Legend fits his name.

K.R.Y.T.I.C is sure headed for greatness.

I am never wrong on these things..!!!

LISTEN TO THIS..http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=832d156f8804d43bd956df2962098fcbb19c97836c873d0661390143435ec59c




For more information:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/KRYTIC/128534161384#!/pages/KRYTIC/128534161384

Dreams... Language of God??!!

Once again its not nightmares but dreams which dont make sense.

They do make sense yet again they dont make sense cause they are being dreamt in a period of time  where they are not supposed to be dreamt and really putting my heart and mind through hardships. Not fair!!

My Spiritual adviserer told me that the dreams we dream reflect the thoughts we think.
But when did my thoughts become to deep and hard to understand.

I am tired of this dreaming and thinking.


Just for once want to be stressfree...


I hope this day will atleast bring some joy to it., have nothing planned really and hey whatever comes comes.

see ya later..

Blesss

Mind Games

Today has just been one of those days again where everything isnt good nor bad.

Now that is leaning towards time for bed... Kinda feeling low...

feels like someone is or something isnt right somewhere in the world and I just dunno if its my mind playing games with me cause I just want to believe that it isnt,

 sure sounds strange but somebodys soul is hanging  on me for strength and feels like they really hanging on to my soul and praying to not let go. I need some mental help, ASAP!!!



Gooodnight..


sure beeen a long asss daay and hopefully I can do some reading noow.

The Golden Girls.....

 Even this show begun when I wasnt even born and ended when I was just a toddler...
This shoow makes my afternoons!  Every day 11:40 I run to put on the TV and LMFAO!

Dorothy

Sophia    


Blanche

Rose....     

Calll me Old Fashioned, this serie will never grow old.

PATIENCE

I cant believe I get up this early nowadays. A friend  of mine texted me yesterday and apologized if she had disturbed my sleep and time was an hour to noon and when I answered that I was up, she was so shocked and wondered if I was feeling well.

These past two days, I have not seen the sun, I dunno where it has taken place or where it is hiding and I so want it to come to me. Back again ASAP!!

Got loads to do before school, and sometimes I think everything will go well and then I see what I have to do and take care before and I am just get dazzled by what is left to do.

There isnt much I can do rather than just try to get mentally prepared for my departure and how things will be while I am there. On One note too, I need to change my life. I need atleast to try and plan things in advance cause these things of doing things in the last minuate and find out things in the last minuate which I could have done months ago is not only taking its toll on me, but also of the mom and my friends cause its hard.

I now keep in mind what my "´Nkhosi" TJ said to me.
"My life doenst only belong to me, whatever actions I make also affects the people around me and in my life"

Its true, as much as I try to think that its my life and only mine, my decisions and outcome of them also affects my family and friends, promised myself now that ama be taking and trying to plan things in advance and just not rush things.

PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodnight Wednesday

I am so tired....

Today has been a fun day and I barely have read anything or even done anything concret.
I know not everyday is like this one so today I just want to relax and enjoy, though I find it hard to do so cause either its me or happenings that I think eachday there is something bad which will happened or always happens and when everything has been okay or relatively happy, I just keep on telling myself the bad will happen soon.

Really need to change perspective on life, on my life and start to appreciate days like these, its hard to do so cause one never wants to believe that there is somedays in one life where everything is stable.. not too bad nor too good.

Its been a good day and I am ending it with Dancehall songs 2010.

Really loving:
.Mavado ft Stacious- come into my room.
Stacious- Freak
Tifa- I wish.

Gully Mi seh,

Gooodnight y'alll.

God bless

Lillys Poem of the daay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It baffles me how a stupid flirtitious comment introduced me to you..


i struggle to look into eyes from your sublimatle view..

ironic how such a small body would house such a great mind...

curves like the african mountains but such a straight dime..

I love how you hate on every fabric of expression i generate...

coz i wud rather be hated by you than to be love by the whole continent



LOve.

annoynmous..

He inspires me...

2 mins to 15 and what a day it has been.

I love calling to Zambia and hearing what is going on down there,and just laughing with my friends and family.
Today I spoke to Skay who is like my old crazy brother and he is so much fun always make me smile cause that is what family is fine.
Spoke to my DIVA Zambias finest and 1st Diva who is my cynthia awwaww I just miss them so extremely much and I cant wait to go and have fun,chill relax, eat and drink all sorts of drinks with my family.

PretttyBoy,Nkandu,Mya,Augustine, ruff,lizzy, Lloyd,PJ.

The day is gwan on okay, just chilaxin and I NEED to go on a diet ASAP.

Xample Yama Diva has a photoshoot to shoot soon and we need to look fly.

I am so excited on the paste that the Group is going and the love we are getting, its nice to see that
people appreciate the little people try to do for soceity.

"Be the change you want to see."

25 days to Go

wooow. itse been almost three months since I came back from Zambia.
must admitt it has been hell and an experience which most of my days is so painful that I wish I never even stepped my feet at the Zambian soil 24/7 2009 but yet again in every lesson there is a blessing and I am constantly reminded about that.

Today is wednesday and I have 25 days till school starts. Switzerland, le Bouveret, Culinary arts management. This whole process has gone to fast and so expensive that it has left me with nothing.

I will bascially noo. I am bascially going to one of the worlds most expensive schools with no pocket money and I cant be asking my mother everytime I am in need and it is unfair to her, and I now have to live with the conseqeunces of my actions. in short take responsibility for my actions.

Its tough and it doesnt go a single day where I think, Lord will I even be able, how will my other peers look at me, will I manage? is there anything, will it change? constant fear of how things will turn out and if I will have the strength to put it all together.

I have come so far, never would I think I would end up in Switzerland when all along I wanted to go to South Africa, but there is a bigger reason to why I certainly am going the road.

now I am just watching Tv... thinking and appreciating each minuate that I am not doing anything cause I know within days hell will begin.

woow dreams are so hard to achieve and the road there is soo rocky and uncertain that I wonder how many times we do give up unconciously..

Heartache,headache or is it just dreamache?

Nowadays seeems like I just cant sleep correctly.

The days are no longer painful, the nights are nolonger wild,

but all of these comes in my dreams and everyday that I wake up I just feel like my heart has been to places where it fears and by the time I gain control of my heart, I find myself runing after it like a rabbit runing after something.

When I wake up I wonder where in the world have I been, where has my fantasy or emotions taken me to?
I look inside of me trying to find out why or even where, maybe its my unconcious playing heartgames with me again or its just a place where I know reality isnt that complicated.

I read once that Dreams are the language of God.

How true can this be if all I do is wonder in my dreams and wake up trying to chase my heart to find it
normal heartbeat?

The end is near

I wonder where this generation that I can call my mine is going towards.
Sometimes I just feel like I do not belong cause I have so many different views and perspectives whereas my peers they all seem to just follow the wind.
Yes,I do want to be successful and yes I want to earn money but only doing what I love doing and even better the satisfaction of giving back to people who are less fortunate so they can also fulfill their dream of doing what they love. seems like the world has become so selfish and its becoming anhabitable place to live on and I for sure am not going to be apart of this.
I believe that they are a few people in ones generation that do make a difference and I know I am capable of being one of them.

I would want my children to know what values and morals that people 100 years before us had and how they formed the world now if I dont know how they had it how am I gonna tell them why things are the way they are today?

I think we all need some kind of reality check.

hope this has somehow opened your mind about your current situation.

Womens day

Today has been the day when all the worlds women are celebrated and honored, but the question still remains, shouldnt it be celebrated everyday?

We have come such a long way and we have a long way to go, but atleast we are going!

Right now Life is bringing a whole lot of difficulties and the knowledge to know why.
seems like all the mistakes I have ever done keep on coming to me in my present and reminding me that they somehow will never be erased and every step to the future is so unknown and certain.

I see all my friends doing good and people I helped so much to live out their dreams are living it in my eyes without a tank of gratitude and I wonder, will my time also come and when it does will I even be that excited about it.

Life is hard and now it gets even harder cause things are not easy and there is so much pressure all around me and the need to be perfection and meet the standards of peoples eyes instead of my own eyes.

if I had a choice  I wouldnt have done all of what I did and but its all Gods wish for him to put me through what he did and now as much as I am impatient and want things to speed up, I am still praying for patience and the wisdom to take a day at a day and when the next day comes, I will deal with it when it does.

Life is hard, but its even harder when you do not know what you want out of your life.

LillianE.

Letting Go

Lord.


I have come to realize that thinking about the past and living the future while forgetting the pain of the present is yet another mystery to mankind.

I have cried endless tears which are so many that they can build up a river which is wide and long enough to carry the my hurt,pain, betrayal and disappointment.

Its feels like no matter what, how I try to explain myself, no one really has an idea of what I have put myself into.

Everyday I cry and ask You why. Why did you ever let me go that far, why did you ever let me see the warmning signs, why did you not make them clear cause as the result of that, here I am today fighting with myself and thinking what is not here and if its because of me.

I am putting alot of people through pain and hours of endless consultaion due to my own needs and Lord Its not fair.

I look upto you, humble myself and pray that TODAY IS AND WILL BE THE LAST DAY!

Lord you have seen that your child has cried long enough.
I have felt and seen that I am cared for long enough.

I am ready to let go. I am ready than ever to let go and welcome in any kind of mystery,betrayal, pain, dishonest,dream failure,heartbreak to enter my life cause Lord I have given everything and nothing but. I am asking for that inch of last strength to hang on to for my heart to see the beauty which it still has and not the tears which it has cried.

Let I be happy with my heart,not knowing what will happened in the future,realizing that my past is, yes the past. Let me embrace the blessings and light which is in my presence.

Let My heart become one with my thoughts, my thoughts become one with my life and my life become one with myself.

I pray and will continue praying cause everything will just be O.K

Introducation

hey
 Chef Lillian Elidah

some prefer to call me Lilly,Princess,mfumukazi etc.

This is my world where I will take you from the world of culinary
to the world of entertainment, art,and simplicity.

You will get my be apart of my music and dance passion.
and the change I want to see

welcome to my world.

enjoy

xoxo

LillyE.