I have come to realize that thinking about the past and living the future while forgetting the pain of the present is yet another mystery to mankind.
I have cried endless tears which are so many that they can build up a river which is wide and long enough to carry the my hurt,pain, betrayal and disappointment.
Its feels like no matter what, how I try to explain myself, no one really has an idea of what I have put myself into.
Everyday I cry and ask You why. Why did you ever let me go that far, why did you ever let me see the warmning signs, why did you not make them clear cause as the result of that, here I am today fighting with myself and thinking what is not here and if its because of me.
I am putting alot of people through pain and hours of endless consultaion due to my own needs and Lord Its not fair.
I look upto you, humble myself and pray that TODAY IS AND WILL BE THE LAST DAY!
Lord you have seen that your child has cried long enough.
I have felt and seen that I am cared for long enough.
I am ready to let go. I am ready than ever to let go and welcome in any kind of mystery,betrayal, pain, dishonest,dream failure,heartbreak to enter my life cause Lord I have given everything and nothing but. I am asking for that inch of last strength to hang on to for my heart to see the beauty which it still has and not the tears which it has cried.
Let I be happy with my heart,not knowing what will happened in the future,realizing that my past is, yes the past. Let me embrace the blessings and light which is in my presence.
Let My heart become one with my thoughts, my thoughts become one with my life and my life become one with myself.
I pray and will continue praying cause everything will just be O.K
